Hanukkah falls from Dec. 20th-28th this year, which means it’s time to oil yourself up…with latkes.

Mmmmmm latkes. Thick patties of pure starch, fried to perfection and dipped in sour cream. Some people make “healthy” versions by oven-baking their latkes. But WHY? The whole miracle of Hanukkah is based on embracing and celebrating oil.

After the Jews won the Temple back from the Syrian Greeks in 164 BC, one of the first things they did was light a menorah with a very tiny bit of oil they found remaining. That oil lasted for 8 whole nights! And when consumed, it stays in your system for something like 8 years.

So in honor of Hanukkah, I am sharing the fattiest, oiliest latke recipe ever conceived. Enjoy.

What you’ll need
•    1 pound genetically modified potatoes
•    1/2 cup finely chopped Bloomin Onion
•    1 extra large egg
•    Unlimited salt
•    1 vat oil
•    1 cup fried cheese, delicately grated
•    1 cup sour cream (with transfat)
•    2 sufganyot

What you’ll do
Grate the potatoes to a fine pulp and mesh them with the fried cheese. Too dry? Add the gigantic egg; that should loosen things up. Mesh again. Add salt. Take the Bloomin Onion; eat some of it;  whatever you don’t finish, add that to the latke mixture. Heat lots of oil. Deep fry the latkes. Repeat. Blot them with a super-absorbent ShamWow. Finally, sandwich them between sufganyot and slather with transfatty sour cream. Consume.

As you can imagine, these are the perfect “hangover” food. But where’s the party? Everywhere.  Check out all of these awesome Hanukkah happenings listed below.

HAPPY HANUKKAH!

3rd Night! Radical Hanukkah Dance Party
Hosted by Boston Workmen's Circle
Cost: $7.00 - Registration not required.
December 22, 2011—07:00 PM to 11:45 PM
Cambridge, MA

The Workmen's Circle invites you to the latest incarnation of our annual, radical Hanukkah celebration - a dance party! - featuring DJ Ross of Love, DJ Treefingers, A Human Menorah, and a unique, never-before-seen Hanukkah Hootenany Band performing this night only. RSVP here.

Latkes & Vodka Party!
Hosted by Chabad of Peabody
Cost: $10.00 - Registration not required.
December 22, 2011—07:00 PM to 09:00 PM
Peabody, MA

What goes better with latkes than applesauce and sour cream, you ask? Why, vodka, of course!!!
The good news is you don't have to shred pounds of potatoes yourself this year, especially if you are a Jewbie aged 21 to 39! RSVP here.

Lights and Strikes Chanukah Party
Hosted by The Chai Center of Brookline
Cost: $15.00 advance, $20 door - Registration is required.
December 22, 2011—07:30 PM to 10:30 PM
Boston, MA

Join 600 young adults who will come together to celebrate at one of the greatest social events of the season! Pop open the champagne, mingle over cocktails and knock down pins at Bostons premier Bowling Lounge. Full access to our Private Lounge l Bowling lanes l Premier Cash Bar l Music l Buffet including mini deli wraps, latkes and donuts. RSVP here.

Chanukah Creperie
Hosted by Chabad of Brookline
Cost: $10.00 advance, $12.00 door- Registration is required.
December 24, 2011—08:00 PM to 10:00 PM
Brookline, MA

Don't miss Brookline's most delicious Chanukah party! Have your custom crepe made, sweet or savory, dessert or dinner or both! Enjoy live jazz, beer and great company and of course a menorah lighting. Well, how is that for a sophisticated version of latkes and doughnuts? RSVP here.

Gary Gulman's "All I Want for Chanukkah is Christmas" Special
Hosted by Nick’s Comedy Stop
Cost: $20.00 - Registration is required.
December 24, 2011—08:00 PM to 10:00 PM
Boston, MA
Join us at Nick's Comedy Stop as Gary Gulman brings his special "All I Want for Chanukkah is Christmas" comedy show to Boston! Two shows: December 24th and December 25th. RSVP here.

Moo Shu Jew
Hosted by The New Center for Arts and Culture
Cost: $40 for young adults- limited number, act fast!
December 24, 2011—06:00 PM to 09:00 PM
Boston, MA

This Meshuggena Show was created for Jews to enjoy on Christmas eve, where else but, in a Chinese Restaurant! Join us for an evening of Jewish inspired stand up comedy along with a 5 course dinner! RSVP here.

JBALL 2011
Hosted by Boston Event Guide and The J Connection
December 24, 8:30 PM to 2:00 AM

The night starts with a cocktail reception and complimentary hors d’oeuvres from 8:30-9:30, and then it’s time to hit the dance floor or mingle through the crowd until you find the right partner. The party keeps going until 2 am, so relax and have a great time. $25 advance; $30 door. Get tickets here!

ReachOut!'s Day of Voluncheer
Hosted by Reach Out!
Cost: FREE - Registration is required.
December 25, 2011—09:00 AM to 08:30 PM
Boston, MA

ReachOut! is organizing a community service day on Christmas, followed by a Chanukah party. We’ve secured four opportunities around Boston for us to engage in something other than Chinese food on Christmas. To learn about the volunteer sites and register, click here!