Roast Chicken Surprise, A Rosh Hashanah Recipe
by Warren Hoffman / August 24, 2010
1 whole overpriced kosher chicken
1 celery stalk
1 tbs. paprika
2 cloves of garlic
1 lb of sliced ham [Shh! That’s the surprise!]
- Rinse chicken and pat dry. Don’t pat it too much. It’s just a chicken, and it’s already dead, and it won’t love you back.
- Cut up carrots, celery, onion and garlic and put them in a roasting pan. If you’re obsessive-compulsive, you’ll probably need 3 pieces of each color.
- Put chicken in pan on top of vegetables. Sprinkle chicken with paprika and salt.
- When no one is looking, stuff the chicken’s cavity with ham. Just cram it in. Hard.
- Bake in an oven at 350 degrees for 1.5 hours.
- Cut and quarter chicken, making sure to give everyone a generous portion of the “surprise” ingredient.
- When asked what the surprise ingredient in Roast Chicken Surprise is, make the guests guess. They’ll love games. And don’t give them clues. Tell them if they’re not sure, they should just try a bit more of the “surprise.”
- If no one guesses, feel free to tell them, but you MUST yell “Surprise!” after you do so, or it’s not much fun.
- Call an ambulance for Aunt Hetty who has just collapsed on the floor.
- Go to synagogue to atone for Roast Chicken Surprise before Yom Kippur.
- Start preparing “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Brisket!” for Yom Kippur pre-fast.
Image from Flickr user FotoosVanRobin.