It’s official; I am the poster child for Oral B hygiene.  We now have a new gadget to add to our already expanding line of oral hygiene care.  It seems both my husband and I have too much bacteria festering in our mouths, but for opposite reasons.  I am overly aggressive in my dental care, and he isn’t aggressive enough.  I told him that I could put up with many things that go along with aging, but teeth in a glass…deal breaker.

 The dentist insists on a water pik twice a day, electric toothbrush, and flossing as well. This adds quite a bit of time to my already compressed morning routine. I am exhausted just thinking about it.  My husband who travels on a regular basis can’t lug all that equipment with him… but guess what? Now, for a mere $90 they make an all in one gizmo that flosses, piks and brushes in one little compact electronic wand.  Yipee!

Whatever happened to the good ole days of just brushing my teeth?  When did oral care become this complicated? Well, it seems the older we get, our teeth need more help.  Oh, and I just got fitted for a new mouth guard because the last one looked like a doggie chew toy.  That’s right, due to all the teeth clenching I do (by the way, I never did this before kids) I whittled my expensive $1000 mouth guard down to a nubby stub.  Seriously.

As long as I am on the “oh my god I am getting older bandwagon,” let’s talk about what the doctor added onto my regimen.  I now have to take a cocktail of vitamins, including Vitamin D, multi, and yes, an all-natural phyto sterol to combat my genetically induced cholesterol.  Apparently, this is a last ditch effort before he puts me on real meds.  UGH!  I am seriously having trouble getting it all down, so I have to take the stuff in shifts, which I often forget to do.  So, I started putting all the pills in a small dosage cup and leaving it on the kitchen sink as a lame reminder…but I still forget. 

While in CVS, I asked if they carried pillboxes.  PILL BOXES???? I actually asked for PILL BOXES?  Wow, it sounded just as bad coming out of my mouth as it did in my head.  What am I …80?  I listen to Ceelo and Ke$ha, I watch Glee and secretly enjoy One Tree Hill!  You can’t do these things and use a pillbox! It’s just wrong I tell you.

 The store clerk was more than happy to discuss the different types of pillboxes…there’s a box for everyday of the week,  there’s clear, colored, floral, funky, metal, plastic, eco-friendly, square, round, rectangular, compartmentalized, flat, tall, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  How is it that CVS carries a plethora of pillboxes, but they stopped carrying construction paper for my kid’s art projects?  Hmmmmm.

In the end, I nixed the pillbox idea. I’m on to more pressing issues now, like the fact I that I was recently sucked into a MURAD skin product informercial.  The irony here is, that when the bill comes for my elixir in a bottle “to combat the effects of hormonal aging,” I’ll have to take my glasses off to read it.