Dear World,

Singles events suck. This is, of course, my humble opinion, after attending all of two singles events and vowing to never ever go back to one. Maybe some people are cool enough to withstand the awkwardness that ensues when a whole bunch of people stand around in a room with nametags and too little liquor, but I am not one of them.

The conversations are always stilted, and people’s intentions are always slightly too clear. You’re either afraid of being unnoticeable or afraid of being leered at, and once people start talking, you’re afraid of being liked for your professional status or afraid of being not accomplished enough. And if someone’s cute enough to talk to, they’re busy flirting with someone else and leave before you can say hi. If it’s not one thing, it’s another, and it’s always wretched.

Oh, and don’t get me started on okcupid and JDate. It’s the same thing only convenient enough to let you torture yourself at work. There’s one whose profile picture is unreasonably flattering, and then there’s the other one who sent you a flirtatious message and then dropped off the face of the planet. Great, real Bashert material.

I think there should be a better way of meeting people. Can’t we have something reasonable? I think there should be people out there who get to know people in the community and then subtly connect them. It doesn’t have to be pushy or awkward; we don’t have to get grandmothers involved. It could be as simple as inviting people to the same event to see if anything happens. But seriously, can’t we do better than singles events?

Maybe all those cute couples who are contemplating dropping off the face of the earth should help. Rather than slowly fading away from their community connections, they could put their coupledom to good use and introduce their friends to good people. No matter what, it would lead to a more connected Jewish community, and that never hurt anyone.

So here’s to all the Yentas of the world—meddling, obnoxious, and old school… and way more lovable than singles events.