My son got his kindergarten classroom assignment yesterday, complete with a roster of items he needs to bring (thick markers, thin markers, labels, two-pocket folder, glue stick, glue bottle, backpack, nut-free snack, the hair of one newly born guinea pig, tissues). He’s totally fine with the transition and very excited. I am too, for the most part. But let’s face it: I have fears. I’m sure all parents do. Orientation should be for us, not them.

This morning I lay in bed for awhile thinking about what could go wrong because, you know, that’s what happens when you’re 32 weeks pregnant and get about 20 minutes of sleep per night. The New Yorker cartoonist Roz Chast needs to update her immortal “Insomnia Jeopardy” cartoon with a “Parents of a New Kindergartner” one. Let’s review our categories, shall we?