I would like to nominate my sister for the Badass Jewish Girl of the Year award. I know this is not an award at the moment, but I don’t care. My sister is so badass she needs awards created for her. She’s like Chuck Norris, only better at leyning.
There is more than one way to be strong. One can have great moral fortitude and withstand a lot of nonsense in the world, one can have a great mind and win at chess or something, one can have a strong stomach and eat way too many hot dogs, etc etc. Or, one can just be plain strong. In the muscles. Like my sister.
My sister goes to Crossfit regularly. If you haven’t heard of Crossfit, you’re either living under a rock or you’re sane and have better things to do with your time than torture yourself. Crossfit is a kind of gym that is not equipped with a steam room. Crossfit gyms actually don’t have much in them besides ropes and tires and heavy things like weights and maybe rocks. People who go to Crossfit get all excited about doing ridiculous exercises like handstand pushups and jumping jacks, where you maybe do a sit up in the middle of it, in midair or something, and they do these things a thousand times in a row until they throw up or pass out or “win.”
My sister “won.” She went to Crossfit last weekend, and as she was doing an exercise called a “muscle up,” the muscles in her right elbow worked so hard they broke her own elbow. There was no external force involved at all—just a horrifying noise and a trip to the ER. The doctors said they’ve never seen anything like it before; human beings aren’t supposed to have muscles so strong that they can break their own bones.
And then! What did she do? Did she decide to take the rest of the decade off, sit at home and nurse her injury like any sane person? No, not my sister. She went back to work the day before her surgery was scheduled. Her entire arm was in a splint and she couldn’t button her own pants without help, but she had to go into the office to get some work done.
And then! After surgery, when they put three screws so large it looked like the doctors just picked them up from Home Depot into my little sister’s arm, did she take some time off to recover then?
Nope, she went back to Crossfit later that week. “Recovery is for losers,” she said.
So this is why my sister should be named Badass Jewish Girl of the Year, and also why you should never, ever try Crossfit.