The video of my cousin’s bar mitzvah in 1992 is so amazing, it may well be out there on the internet somewhere by now. Not only is there a shot of all the kids with the non ironic mullets screaming with delight when “Love Shack” comes on, not only is there plenty of footage of that one aunt who always gets too drunk, there is also the most entertaining chair dance moment in the history of my entire family.

During the chair dance, Uncle Jeff, my cousin’s father, fell out of the chair.

He was so enthusiastic! Instead of clutching the sides of the chair and looking uncomfortable like all sane people do when hoisted seven feet in the air, instead of wincing like his wife or smiling in terror like his son did when it was each of their turns in the chair, Jeffrey–complete with his glass of wine–waved his hands and kicked his feet like he had just scored a touchdown at the Superbowl. On the video, this hand waving and foot kicking moment lasts exactly four seconds before one of the brave chair holders loses his grip. The front of the chair tips down, and Jeffrey slides to the ground like a little kid on the playground. For a moment the video cuts out, and we don’t get to see his graceful recovery–but rest assured, he continued to have a great time that night even after the chair incident.

Still, I don’t want to do that.

That’s why I’m looking around the community NOW to find the strongest and bravest friends I have to hold the chairs for the chair dance. I need eight people (because there will be two chairs) to hold me and Suzie up on chairs above the dance floor for approximately 30 seconds while we grin in terror. It’ll be like a trust game! It’ll be like crowd surfing! It’ll be like some really intense athletic competition! Just whatever you do, please don’t drop me. Maybe I should put double sided tape on the legs of the chairs? Is that allowed?

If you have any tips, or if you have a secret talent where you can bench press your own body weight at the gym, please let me know ASAP.

Hooray for crazy Jewish party traditions!

Lag B Blog Day 19