There’s no going back now. The die has been cast, the UN Security Council has approved the deal, and it seems like the Iran Deal is an unstoppable force as Congress prepares to fight it out over the next two months.

In the spirit of bipartisanship… well, no, more like in the spirit of taking things a little less seriously, instead of arguing with your friends on Facebook about the merits (or not) of the deal, take a night off from the battle and embark on a first-of-its-kind Iran Deal pub crawl as you commemorate/celebrate/castigate this historic don’t-call-it-a-treaty/deal/debacle.

As usual, these are meant to be consumed responsibly.

The Talks Extension

Oh, Austria, you were such a great host for the negotiations- not only did you grant multiple extensions to the diplomats in their hotels, you also saw a sharp uptick in the numbers of customers in the local brothels during the talks. But beyond being the meeting ground for two of world’s two oldest professions- prostitutes and politicians- Vienna is also home to Red Bull and a whole lot of Austrian schnapps. Ergo, I give you our first drink, “The Talks Extension,” to get your energy up for the rest of the negotiations night.

“The Talks Extension”

1 can of Red Bull
1 oz of peach schnapps
1 oz of vodka
1 oz of orange juice

Combine in a highball glass

Sanctions Relief

European money is going to start pouring into the Central Bank of Iran and cheap Iranian oil is going to cause OPEC some headaches… hello, sanctions relief! And given Iran’s threat to go all-in on the nuclear program if snap-back sanctions are enacted, well, it seems like Tehran is going to be open for business for the foreseeable future. With all that cash flowing into the Ayatollahs’ coffers, your next drink will have to be a green one, so sorry if you don’t like Crème de Menthe because I’m going to drink anything with Midori or melon liquor.

“Sanctions Relief”

1.5 oz gin
1.5 oz crème de menthe
1 oz lemon juice
No garnish

Mix with ice, shake, and strain into a glass with ice

The Inspection Delay

Given the 24 –day delay between the announcement of inspections and the actual inspections of potential Iranian nuclear sites, there’s plenty of time to pause and enjoy your next drink. So without further ado, here’s a drink that you should drink sloooooowly. And with the added recent uproar about Maker’s Mark proposing, and then unproposing, to weaken their bourbon, it’s perhaps funny to think about sneaky Iranian nuclear arithmetic as you sip your Kentucky-inspired beverage.

“The Inspection Delay”

1 oz bourbon
1 oz gin
1 oz lime juice
4 oz ginger ale

Add the ginger ale last, use ice if you want

Credible Threat

Was the military option ever on the table? Was there ever a credible threat of the use of force that hovered over the negotiations? The answer seems to be no. So in the spirit of the only country to actually bomb not just once, but twice, the nuclear infrastructure of a belligerent regime, this drink is based on the kind-of-nasty-but-not-really-any-other-choice Sabra liquor, and be warned, it’s a little spicy. Like the rhetoric.

“Credible Threat”

5 oz ice
1.5 oz Sabra liquor
1 oz silver tequila

Mix, shake, and serve