“Mom, if you are JJ’s birth mom then how come you are his regular mom too?” Bruiser asked this evening between dips of his Chips Ahoy into a small glass of milk. It is questions like this that every once in a while randomly come out of our 5 year old twins’ mouths. Are you ever fully prepared to respond to these types of questions? As adoptive parents, we hope to be ready with an arsenal of appropriate, sensitive and truthful answers. My husband and I seem to be doing ok with the questions and appropriate answers…at least I think we are. We address the questions in a reassuring manner, in a way that will make our children feel unconditional love, in a way that they will not question their place in the family, in a way that will assure them that their birth mom, lovingly made the choice to place them to afford them the best life possible.
But, I never know how my responses are perceived by my twins. Today’s question was answered with a spiritual/ religious response of “G-d has a plan for everyone………..the plan was to have me be the mom of JJ, Bruiser and Princess.” The answer was accepted and conversation quickly turned to potty talk that seems to dominate our kid’s vocabulary these days.
It seems as though the complexity of the questions are increasing but that is to be expected. It is frightening as a parent to fear the unknown……….what is the next question? Will I answer it with ease? What if my child doesn’t accept my answer? What if I don’t have a good answer? My common sense tells me that these fears are universal to every parent……..the questions may be difficult, they may be different but all parents have the fear. I will continue to give it my best shot and appreciate that my children are coming to me to get their information.
Our family is close, we communicate well and love each other………the questions will come, the discussions will endure, the dialogue will continue but that comes hand in hand with a child growing up.