A crack team of researchers recently unearthed fragments of ancient tweets that had been kept on a remote Egyptian server farm in the Nile Delta.created at: 2011-12-24

While much of the data was corrupted, some conversations remained in their original form.  We are proud to share, for the first time ever, the Twitter Scrolls, Joseph in Egypt edition. 

@joseph

Hey @yaakov your other sons are up to no good again. Thanks again for the #technicolordreamcoat

@ishmaelites

last visit of the season to Egypt. Meet us in Goshen for good deals on current crop of slaves, cattle, spices, and fabrics. #blackfriday

@potipharcreated at: 2011-12-24

found an amazing slave. Young, handsome, and learning Egyptian! Concerned he might make the moves on @mrspotiphar. #onceahebrewalwaysahebrew

@slaveboy

slavery sucks but could be worse. Have a cushy house job. But nervous about the boss’s wife. #cougar

@mrspotiphar

I am shocked, SHOCKED, at the disgusting behavior of @slaveboy #gotojail

@slaveboy

DM @god what are you doing to me?

@chiefbaker

hope @slaveboy is wrong about my dream. #worstcasescenario

@chiefbutler

RIP @chiefbaker

@pharaoh

fired all my advisors. Need someone who can actually interpret dreams. email CV to HR@pharaohspalace.egypt.gov #helpwanted

@chiefbutler

@pharaoh I know someone. I’ll speak to you tomorrow #dreaminterpretation 

@pharaoh

Pleased to announce the appointment of @tzafenatpeneah as my second-in-command.

@tzafenatpaneah

we have extra food here in #egypt. Willing to trade for cash. Arrange meeting by DMing @pharaohspalace

@egyptianborderpatrol

RT @imperialguard keep an eye out for group of #hebrews en route to Canaan. One of them stole a cup from @tzafenatpaneah #allpointsbulletin

@imperialguard

#Hebrew thief apprehended. #donttrustthem

@judah

dad please don’t kill me… but @benjamin was arrested for stealing. #notmyfault

@yaakov

not @benjamin!! #heartbreak #canttakeit

@tzafenatpaneah

@childrenofisrael it’s me, @joseph #familyreunion #tears

@yaakov

We’re moving to #goshen, all 70 of us. Can’t wait to see @joseph again after so long. Thank you @god for honoring our #covenant