October 23, 2014 / 29th of Tishrei, 5775
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Mimi Arbeit

  • You’re hot. Your friend is hot. Maybe it’s the way your bodies move together on the dance floor. Maybe it’s the way your friend is laughing tonight. Maybe it’s something you’ve been thinking about for a while now, or maybe you have a surprising sense that your friend is about to make a move and you’re not sure how to respond. As you consider your options, here are some questions you might ask yourself before you go home with a friend&hellip...

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  • Sammy Sass, 25, was born and bred in Cambridge and currently lives in Boston, sometimes. She’s got her hands on the earth whenever possible, in the garden or on the potter’s wheel. Her ceramics can be seen here, and around town at SOWA open studios and local craft fairs. She spent four months living in Italy this summer.

    On our first date, we sat in his little green car and made our way down the mountain to th...

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  • Marc Dones, 28, reflects on three years of dating men in Boston. During that time, he’s lived in Mattapan and Fort Hill. For more of his rambling, read his tumblr or follow him on Twitter. In his spare time, Marc plays with his roommate’s dog, rides his bike and is generally impractical. His favorite color is orange, but sometimes it’s chartreuse.

    Joe: “I’m not going to leave you, Harper.”
    Harper: “Well, maybe not. But I’m going to leave you.&rd...

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  • As my head pounded, I found myself starting to wish I had a partner. Someone who lived with me. Someone who would be in the apartment during the evenings and overnight. Someone who knew how to comfort me even when I didn’t have words.

    I didn’t have any words.

    Talking made my head hurt. My doctor was very clear that anything I did to “flare” the symptoms of the concussion would make the concussion worse and would lengthen my recovery. I had already made...

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  • Great news, Boston! Aida Manduley, 25, just moved to Roxbury to pursue a master’s degree in social work. Aida is a productivity geek, experienced sexuality educator and seasoned trainer who advocates for healthy relationships. We’re lucky to have her! She debriefs today about being ethically non-monogamous.

    Growing up, my dating opportunities were pretty limited. Not only did I attend a small K-12 school in Puerto Rico, but I was raised under the very conservative Jehova’s Wi...

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  • Barbara, 60, keeps it fun and exciting with her husband, Larry, 65. They have been together for 10 years, got married seven years ago, and have a house (and a hot tub) in Boston.

    Tell me about your relationship with Larry.

    When we were deciding to get married, our very cool faith leaders, a rabbi and a Methodist minister, both said to us in different ways: “You don’t have to do this. You have done this before. You are definitely old enough to make your own dec...

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  • About one year ago, Dorise Gruber wrote a post for The Debrief titled “Dating by the Numbers.” It wasn’t a forum for outlandish stories or grievances, but rather an opportunity to analyze her experiences, quantify them and learn from a particularly steep “n” value—125 first dates in five years! Today she provides us with an update on her love life.

    At present, my fiancé is curled up in bed and I’m trying to type quietly so as...

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  • Jeff Herman, 22, says he is young in age but old in spirit. He’s a recent Brandeis grad now in Somerville, getting into behavioral health research. He also likes teaching about sex and pleasure.

    A fellow educator at The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health first introduced the idea of pleasure-focused sex to me using her sexual version of “Candy Land.” You heard right—sexual “Candy Land.” The game had spaces like any board game, but at c...

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  • Several months ago, Chanel Dubofsky asked me to do an interview with her at Jewschool. Then I asked her if we could flip things around. Today she debriefs her creation of The Marriage Project. Chanel’s writing can be found at Cosmopolitan, RH Reality Check, The Billfold, The Jewish Daily Forward, The Toast and more. She’s an MFA candidate at Vermont College of Fine Arts. She blogs at Diverge, plus you can follow her on Twitter at @chaneldubofsky.

    During and right...

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  • Susie, who is 45 and lives in Allston, reflects on her challenges dating men she meets online, mainly using Match.com.

    Formulas

    I sit across from Eric at Trident Booksellers & Cafe. I’m not sure if it’s a date or a friendly lunch. I’ve done my hair and makeup just in case. He starts telling me about his new girlfriend (guess it’s not a date!). He also rants that there’s something wrong with all women over 40 who haven’t been married...

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Mimi_headshot
Mimi is a Ph.D. candidate in child study and human development at Tufts University, focusing on adolescent sexuality and sexual health. She is a freelance sexuality educator and also works locally to promote and strengthen sexuality education in public schools. Before starting The Debrief, she wrote her own blog, sexedtransforms.blogspot.com. She loves dancing, taking walks around the city, and listening to people share their stories. Email mimia@jewishboston.com or tweet @mimiarbeit.

Latest Comments

Congratulations. This piece is insightful, honest, and the work in progress that it should be. I often teach my students about what it means to bear witness and why it is important in a world where all of them are under-served, under-represented, and in some cases afraid. I think these questions and lessons are reflected here. It hits a personal note for me, as my partner just got over a concussion and eye injuries from a roll over car accident because we have been navigating the flip side to your waters. I think you have a vein to follow for your next pieces this fall. Pat yourself on the back and continue to heal in all the ways people need.
The Debrief: Concussion Confessions
Mazal Tov! Adi -- it takes a brave man to marry any writer, especially someone who writes publicly about her love life. My hat is off to you. May you both enjoy many years of happiness.
The Debrief: An Epilogue for “Dating by the Numbers”
Great article. I totally agree with you. I come from a very happy family life yet I have never married. It seems to me that most married people are not joyful and my parents enjoyed each other so much. Marriage should be fun - and yet most people are not having any. I would love to be married to the person who would have the zest in life that I do, but I have not found that. And, so, I remain happily single, really enjoying my life. I get out of bed every morning with enthusiasm and joy. What more can you ask?
The Debrief: Choosing Marriage, or Not