Elise (not her real name) is a mother of two living in the Boston suburbs. She works in health care and belongs to a local temple. With her daughter’s bat mitzvah approaching and her son still in elementary school, she is navigating how to raise proud Jewish children while balancing fear, identity and community in the wake of Oct. 7. She asked that her name and identifying details not be published.

Trust and Belonging

I feel like I don’t know who I can trust, even among other Jewish people. There are so many different beliefs and thoughts. It not just who I can trust, but also who I can talk to. I don’t know who is going to understand where I’m coming from, with Jews and non-Jews alike.

Before Oct. 7, our Jewish community came partially from our temple, and I also have a local group of friends. Some are Jewish; some are not. Some are Jewish married to non-Jews. It was a very mixed group, but I felt like I could be more open about Jewish things, and it wouldn’t be taken the wrong way or misinterpreted. Now, I’m a little more hesitant because I know that some of my friends, even those who are Jewish, are totally on a different wavelength from me in terms of Israel.

Navigating Israel Conversations

I don’t fully support everything Israel is doing these days. But I support Israel, and I feel like Israel has a right to exist. There’s a balance. I know there are some people who are militantly on one side or the other, so I’m afraid to start a conversation. I’m not looking for a debate. I’m just looking to be able to speak my beliefs. It’s really tricky.

Wearing (and Hiding) Jewish Identity

I don’t know that I’m quieter. I’m still wearing my Star of David — actually, I say “still” wearing, but I didn’t used to always wear a Star of David. After Oct. 7, I put it on and haven’t taken it off. It feels like I need to support my people.

But there are times that I hide it. We were at Canobie Lake Park recently, and I was wearing a tank top with a V-neck. I thought: Should it be so visible right now, around the people who should be keeping my kids safe on the rides? I don’t know who I can trust. I never felt that way before Oct. 7, and I hate feeling that way. I wish I didn’t.

Raising Jewish Children Today

I really want my kids to have a strong Jewish identity, even though we’re not religious. I want them to have pride in being Jewish. I’m nervous and proud at the same time.

They know what’s going on in Israel. They know about the war. They also know there’s security at our temple. I’m not hiding it from them, but I don’t think they’re nervous. I don’t think they’re hearing enough that they’re afraid to go to temple. They don’t seem to be worried, which is good. It’s a fine line. It’s a fine balance.

Every once in a while, if my son overhears something about there still being hostages, he’ll say, “I just can’t believe it’s been so long.”

Looking Toward Israel

He wants to go to Israel, and I’ve toyed with the idea. My daughter has a friend from camp; she and her twin brother are having their b’nai mitzvah in Israel. It was supposed to be last November, and they pushed it. We were invited if we wanted to go. If it were me, I would have gone. But do I want to take my kids? I do and I don’t.

I want them to see the country. I want them to see the beauty in it that I’ve seen and to form that connection with the country in some way. But I also want them to be safe. I was there for almost a year, a long time ago. There was never one siren; never one rock thrown. It was a different time. I don’t know if it will be as comfortable or easy to form a connection if we’re running to bomb shelters every couple of hours. But I hope I get to take the kids someday.

Wanting Balance and Understanding

Right now, I’d rather you didn’t print my name. I don’t mean to minimize the situation in Gaza. But I wish more people just kept in mind that Israel, overall, is not bad. I feel that Israel — and Jews in general, by default — are getting such a bad rap.

This is one of several stories we’re sharing to reflect the lived experiences of Jewish families in Greater Boston today. Have something to share? Email kara@jewishboston.com.