Hi. My name is Nate. I want to tell you the story about how our congregation relocated into our 250-year-old shul.
I lead a small congregation, Kehilla Kedusha Newkidontheblock, in our beautiful city by the sea, Shoinvergessen, Long Island. A few years ago my friend Izzie came to visit me. He was a bit excited.
“Nate,” he says, “Oy vey! Do I have a deal for you! I was walking on Gesundheit Street. The 250-year-old Old Gesundheit Shul has a sign on it that says:
Shul for rent!
Congregation sought!
Price: 1 shekel per year.
See Max Nobluff at his package store.
“Does that interest you?”
It did interest me. Kehilla Kedusha Newkidontheblock was growing, and needed a larger space. I hightailed it to Max’s package store.
Now, dear reader, let me tell you about our shul. It was designed by the renowned architect Sheina Bildung.
A sign on the shul reads, “George Washington slept here.” Actually, GW attended a meeting in the shul, but you know what most people do at meetings. GW was no exception, though you won’t find that in his biography.
Did I tell you that our shul is called The Old Gesundheit Shul, either because Reb Gesundheit made a large donation to the shul, or because it’s on Gesundheit Street (Reb Gesundheit fixed the street as well as the shul)?
Reb Gesundheit’s great-great-grandson made a deal with Congregation Oiferdahill to be buried in the 300-year-old Jewish cemetery, which has not been used in over 100 years, in return for a major donation. There is some question as to whether Congregation Oiferdahill owns the cemetery, but that’s another megillah.
When I got to Max’s store, he was choking on his wife Dora’s kichel. After he caught his breath, I asked him, “Max, what happened to your 100-year-long tenant, Congregation Overdahill?”
“It’s a sad story,” he said. “I own the Old Gesundheit Shul. Every time Congregation Oiferdahill and I had a disagreement, they complained about what a poor landlord I was in the local newspaper, Der Tog, and then they took me to court.
“They also complained about their 100-year-old lease, in which they agreed to worship in the same way as their sister congregation worshiped, and threatened to go to court over that.
“If that idea was so bad, why did they agree to it and why did it take 100 years to complain about it? What makes them smarter than their bubbies and zaydes who made the agreement in the first place?
“I decided if they sued me one more time, their lease was over. I warned them. They thought I was bluffing. My last name isn’t Nobluff for nothing. So now I’m looking for a new tenant.”
I said to Max, “Kehilla Kedusha Newkidontheblock wants to rent the Old Gesundheit Shul. Here’s three shekels for first year’s rent, security deposit and last year’s rent, should it never come to pass.”
So Max says, “Not so fast. There are a few conditions.”
I read the conditions. It was a very detailed agreement, which I summarize. It included an arbitration, no-sue clause (heck, I agree to those with my bank and credit card folks all the time), a stipulation about using a particular siddur and ritual (in case you didn’t know, all traditional prayer books stem from the same source, and the differences are trivial), agreement to clear any changes to the building with the landlord (every rental agreement has that clause) and some legal boilerplate provisions.
Needless to say, I signed on the dotted line before Congregation Johnnycomelately heard the building was available.
It’s been five years now. Kehilla Kedusha Newkidontheblock is flourishing.
“So,” you ask, “what happened to Congregation Oiferdahill?”
Congregation Oiferdahill decided to hold services in the rundown shack across the street, which costs a lot more than one shekel, and the heat didn’t even work all the time.
Now, dear reader, would you rather go to Shabbos services in a cold, rundown shack or in a beautiful and renowned 250-year-old shul designed by a famous architect where George Washington slept?
I know that I would prefer to sleep, er, I mean, daven, in the Old Gesundheit Shul.
Well, so did the members of Congregation Oiferdahill. They gradually migrated to the Old Gesundheit Shul. Last week, Congregation Oiferdahill ended their 100-year run and disbanded.
I suppose Congregation Oiferdahill had good reasons for throwing away their 100-year-old lease. It reminds me of the skydiver who insisted on making one last jump. The chute didn’t open and he became a pancake. That’s bubkes for you!
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