The Fifteen-Minute Rosh Hashanah DinnerOh fancy hipster Rosh Hashanah dinner recipes, how I love thee. I read you and can only dream of cool kitchen appliances and going to Whole Foods, cruising the aisles for interesting ingredients, and slowly sipping adult beverages while pots simmer even more slowly on the stove.

So for all you parents out there who are either working full time, driving your kids around all afternoon, or just haven’t had a chance to do any fancy shopping, here’s something that you can prepare in literally fifteen minutes. All you will need is a slow cooker, bread maker, and basic kitchen stuff. Just make sure your kids set the table and that they don’t forget to put out the apples and honey- they don’t need you for that.

Brisket and Potatoes (four minutes)

Fire and forget

Keep it simple. Very simple. Take a large brisket and place it in the crock pot. (30 seconds). Cut up three carrots, three celery stalks, and a large onion. (90 seconds). Rinse and scrub a bunch of potatoes- one per person (60 seconds). Add seasonings (60 seconds). Turn to the slow cooker to low and come back in eight hours or more for true deliciousness. You can also cook a brisket in 4 hours or less by cooking it on high, but the longer it’s in there, the better. For full flavor actually cook it once the day before for 12 hours, put it in the fridge overnight, and do it all over again, Katy Perry style, the next Friday night day.

Bread (three minutes)

Carbs are good for (most) of you

Breadmakers are the among the world’s greatest inventions. While you won’t get a round challah from one, you will have a piping hot loaf of bread that makes the house smell fabulous. A basic white bread, or white/wheat combo, or even a cinnamon raisin loaf in a breadmaker only requires 6-8 ingredients and once you push “start” all you have to do is wait about three hours. If this is too daunting, have your guests bring a challah; they are readily available at Panera or Whole Foods.

Crunchy Fresh Vegetables (three minutes)

Or should I say veggie-tables?

Green beans, grape tomatoes, and cucumbers all take almost no time to prepare. Peel and then cut a cucumber or two into slices, cut the tips off the green beans and rinse them with the tomatoes. Serve in separate bowls so it looks like there’s a lot more food than there actually is.

Fruit salad (three minutes)

For a sweet new year

Cut up a cantaloupe into wedges, rinse off a pound of grapes, and wash and core some apples. Voila. Sprinkle in berries as needed.

Beverages (um, one minute?)

Aqua vitae

Really? Red wine from Israel, Cisco Brewers Pumple Drunkin, or a pomegranate/vodka concoction. This is the easy part. We all know how easily accessible these items are in our kitchens. The most labor-intensive thing here is finding the corkscrew or getting ice from the freezer.

Happy 5775.

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