A crack team of researchers recently unearthed fragments of ancient tweets that had been kept on a remote Egyptian server farm in the Nile Delta.
While much of the data was corrupted, some conversations remained in their original form. We are proud to share, for the first time ever, the Twitter Scrolls, Joseph in Egypt edition.
@joseph
Hey @yaakov your other sons are up to no good again. Thanks again for the #technicolordreamcoat
@ishmaelites
last visit of the season to Egypt. Meet us in Goshen for good deals on current crop of slaves, cattle, spices, and fabrics. #blackfriday
@potiphar
found an amazing slave. Young, handsome, and learning Egyptian! Concerned he might make the moves on @mrspotiphar. #onceahebrewalwaysahebrew
@slaveboy
slavery sucks but could be worse. Have a cushy house job. But nervous about the boss’s wife. #cougar
@mrspotiphar
I am shocked, SHOCKED, at the disgusting behavior of @slaveboy #gotojail
@slaveboy
DM @god what are you doing to me?
@chiefbaker
hope @slaveboy is wrong about my dream. #worstcasescenario
@chiefbutler
RIP @chiefbaker
@pharaoh
fired all my advisors. Need someone who can actually interpret dreams. email CV to HR@pharaohspalace.egypt.gov #helpwanted
@chiefbutler
@pharaoh I know someone. I’ll speak to you tomorrow #dreaminterpretation
@pharaoh
Pleased to announce the appointment of @tzafenatpeneah as my second-in-command.
@tzafenatpaneah
we have extra food here in #egypt. Willing to trade for cash. Arrange meeting by DMing @pharaohspalace
@egyptianborderpatrol
RT @imperialguard keep an eye out for group of #hebrews en route to Canaan. One of them stole a cup from @tzafenatpaneah #allpointsbulletin
@imperialguard
#Hebrew thief apprehended. #donttrustthem
@judah
dad please don’t kill me… but @benjamin was arrested for stealing. #notmyfault
@yaakov
not @benjamin!! #heartbreak #canttakeit
@tzafenatpaneah
@childrenofisrael it’s me, @joseph #familyreunion #tears
@yaakov
We’re moving to #goshen, all 70 of us. Can’t wait to see @joseph again after so long. Thank you @god for honoring our #covenant
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