Lots to digest before (and after) Thanksgiving football gets underway. Let’s get right to it.

The Patriots

Ups: Hello, 10-0. Haven’t seen you in 8 years. Nice to be back.

  1. There was a moment of silence at Gillette last night for Ezra Schwartz, who was murdered last week by a Palestinian terrorist, that I was shocked to see ESPN broadcast live on the air. Although for some reason that I assume has something to do with the Dark Lord Roger Goodell, the word “Israel” was not mentioned during the commemoration. Seems like Robert may have wanted to broadcast the tribute and mention that it took place in Israel, but that Roger said yes, but, don’t mention Israel because it’s too controversial. I guess I’d take that deal, too.
  2. Malcolm Butler is legit. Other than Sammy Watkins’ one-handed OBJ impression the Pats cornerback was all over the Bills’ stud receiver like a cheap Chanukah blazer.
  3. Oh, Pats defense, you are good. #1 in the league. That’s going to have to do until the offense Ups & Downs: The Two Footballsgets healthy.

Downs: Last night’s game was unwatchable.

  1. The game took 3 hours and 40 minutes. 3 HOURS AND 40 MINUTES. That’s way beyond a snail’s pace. That’s more like a larval snail’s pace. It was so slow that ESPN tweeted out a string of emojis that alternated between footballs and videocameras, which allegedly had to do with too many replays but which I proudly castigated and harangued them about due to obvious DeflateGate and SpyGate connotations.
  2. It was so slow that I literally shut the game off and clicked “record” and “extend” and then got to watch not only an episode of Scorpion (not good) but also the fall finale of Blindspot (very good) and still clicked back to the game with more than enough time for the recording to catch up with live broadcast. And then it was 12:15. And then it was 1:30 and I was still up. And then it was 4:00 and I was up with a headache. #fail
  3. The Patriots have no receivers left, but if neccesary, I’m available if they need a deep threat with a somewhat slower sprint time in the 40-yard dash. Just sayin'.

The Other Football

Ups: Good News for my teams

  1. Maccabi Haifa got off the shnide with a 3:0 win over Hapoel Tel Aviv last night in Israel’s version of Monday Night Football. That’s a whole lot of goals for a team that can barely score, and the second goal was quite pretty (see it at 1:45 in the video below and admire the coaches’ high-fives a few seconds later). The Greens now sit in 11th place in the 14-team league, but could climb as high as 7th place with a win this Saturday against Netanya at the Sammy Ofer.
  2. Brighton & Hove Albion drew for the fourth time in five games but remain in 2nd place in the League Championship, level on points but trailing Hull City on goal difference +18 to +9.
  3. My underachieving gengenpressers from Liverpool went to the Etihad and completely vanquished the baby-blue machine otherwise known as Manchester City, winning 4:1 on Sunday. It’s a stunning result that put the Merseysiders into 9th place, but only 6 points out of the Top 4. This weekend Swansea will visit Anfield and Liverpool will be looking to protect their home pitch more successfully than they did during their previous home match, when they inexcusably lost 2:1 to Crystal Palace.

Downs: A Smorgasbord of Disappointment

  1. After inexplicably falling behind 1:0 to St Vincent and the Grenadines in the first game of World Cup Qualification, the US Men’s National Team work up and dropped a 6-pack on the islanders to win 6:1 in St. Louis. Yay. That’s like the Red Sox beating their Single-A affiliate. But their second game in the cauldron of intense competition that is Port-of-Spain, Trinidad & Tobago, ended in a 0:0 draw, which, I’m sorry, is unacceptable. I don’t care that T & T is a decent CONCACAF team, it’s well past time that the US starts laying waste to anyone in CONCACAF not named Mexico. This only reinforces my prior rant about Jurgen Klinsmann needing to be fired immediately, if not yesterday.
  2. Maccabi Tel Aviv hosts Chelsea in Matchday 5 of the Champions League later today in Haifa. Let’s remember that Maccabi is 0-0-4 and is sporting a competition-worst -10 goal differential. Don’t expect this to be easy, either, as Chelsea will be looking to win to clinch their spot in the knockout stages. My jeremiad, which I make in the spirit of a reluctant prophet, is a 3:0 Chelsea victory.
  3. Jermaine Jones is not going to resign with the Revs. That’s not shocking, but it’s still very disappointing, especially since I have a very pretty Jones #13 Revs second jersey that I still want to get some use out of. Why can’t they sign, and keep, a decent Designated Player? I’m sick of everyone going to the Galaxy or the New York clubs.

That’s all for today.

Happy Thanksgiving, and may the turkey be ever in your favor.

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