Hanukkah is upon us.

Have I shopped? No.

Have I cooked? No. (I did taste-test every latke known to man, though.)

Am I prepared? Not one bit.

But I’ve tried to keep the holiday momentum going by asking my first-grader to make a wish list. (His toddler brother is content to chew on the Toys “R” Us catalogue, below.)

(Courtesy Kara Baskin)

Have you ever asked a child to make a holiday wish list? His version usually consists of copying every Lego make and model onto a sheet of paper, meticulously, rows and rows of obscure combinations and exorbitant packages. At what price Batman’s lair? Not $149. No, not for me.

Finally, hoping to impart some writing skills, I gave him a sheet of yellow construction paper and some markers.

“You can write down eight things for eight nights,” I told him.

Lesson: Never ask a child who is learning how to write to pen a holiday list. This is what I got.

1. BAT BOX. What is a Bat Box? Is this some kind of new iPhone gadget? A way to store nocturnal pets? With some prodding, I deduced that this is Batbot Xtreme, an Imaginext figurine who looks like David Hasselhoff. He is also available only from third-party sellers, which means he will arrive in time for Hanukkah 2018.

2. Doomsday. Oh, silly child! Doesn’t he know that doomsday is already here? Does he not read the news? Doomsday is also an Imaginext figure who costs a mere $14 on Amazon. I quickly ordered it and pray it arrives tomorrow.

3. Transforming Batbot. A cousin of Batbot Xtreme, this bulky fellow also turns into a tank and offers a “pop-up arm blaster.” He also utters over 100 “cool sounds and phrases.” I can’t wait to step on him in the middle of the night to unleash a torrent of horror.

4. Transforming Batcave. With several stories, a “power pad,” jail and elevator, this abode and accessories costs more than my house.

5. Vintage He-Man comics. Oddly, my husband appears to have a stash of these from 1983, so we’re set.

6. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time. This is a Super Nintendo (remember those?) video game circa 1993. The good news? My husband saved his Super Nintendo from 1993, allowing our son to have hours of old-fashioned, pre-iPad, mind-numbing fun. At only $22 on Amazon’s wayback machine, it’s a steal.

7. “Star Wars” lego set. There are approximately 2,049 versions of this. I’m sure we’ll find something.

8. A baby trampoline. He surprised me with his final request. Instead of more ninjas or “Star Wars” or transforming bat creatures, he decided that his little brother deserves something, too. That something is probably a death trap, but oh well. Apparently they really do make toddler trampolines, and my husband insists there’s room for it in the ruins of our playroom/laundry room/TV room/toy wasteland.

Now, to buy all of these things in 24 hours! Wish me luck. What’s on your list? Did you plan ahead like a sane person? Do you have room for a small trampoline?