This is the second part of a series on what it feels like to be Jewish now, and how Jews are making choices that resonate with their own identities and beliefs. Robin, who grew up in the Boston area, is a sophomore at a large, urban Northeastern university. Her last name is not being used to protect her privacy.
From Hebrew School to Campus Freedom
I went to Hebrew school for my entire life, up until 10th grade. I had my bat mitzvah. I did all of the traditional Jewish childhood experiences.
Coming to college, it was definitely a different climate: You don’t have anybody telling you that you have to go to Hebrew school, or you have to go to the High Holiday services. You definitely have more room to find your identity.
That was something I struggled with. When I first came to school, I did an early move-in program with my Hillel called “Jewniversity.” I really enjoyed it because I got to know other Jewish students whom I still see around campus. I already knew that I had a Jewish community before classes had even started. It was one less thing I had to worry about, in terms of being open about my Jewish identity.
Wrestling With Identity and Belief
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I go to school in a swing state, and being in that sort of environment—figuring out things about my Jewish identity and my political stance relating to my Jewish identity—has been a really helpful experience.
I also went to Israel in high school with BBYO, the International Leadership Seminar in Israel, which was definitely a big part of my Jewish learning experience. Being able to learn about Judaism in a college environment has been very helpful, because a lot of it is based around your ethics. That’s such an important thing about being a Jew, caring about others, tikkun olam. Figuring out my stance about Israel has definitely been the biggest struggle with my Jewish identity.
Navigating Friendship and Antisemitism
I did have a friend last year who came from a different political background than I do. She would say things that would generalize Jews and generally be offensive, like that Jews hate Christians. When I would tell her that it’s not OK to say things like that, she would say, “No, it’s fine,” instead of acknowledging that I found what she said offensive.
I try to not let politics get in between my friendships, but she had other issues going on and was not willing to learn from her ignorance. We had several other issues, and I no longer speak to her.
But I do feel optimism because I’m in such a versatile community. I feel empowered to find other sources to embrace my Judaism outside of just my campus, which has been really nice.
Redefining Jewish Practice
I think the one thing I would want other people to gain from my experiences is that your Jewish background growing up does not define your Jewish identity, period. It definitely helps that I had an understanding of Judaism and the culture that comes with it, because I felt more knowledgeable about going to Hillel and Chabad. But just because I had a bat mitzvah and I went to High Holiday services every year doesn’t mean I have to do that now.
I still choose to do it because I feel like it’s a good way to connect to Judaism. But I don’t feel like it’s a chore. I’m actively making the decision to go to services or to light Shabbat candles, which I did tonight for the first time by myself. Because I have that freedom now, I feel more connected to my Jewish identity.
I got to lead Shabbat services during the early move-in program this year. There were around 20 of us, and we all moved into campus around three days early. It was really empowering to me, because it was the first time I was doing something in my Jewish community without my parents telling me to.
“There’s No Such Thing as Not Being Jewish Enough”
One thing I said when I started the service was: “There’s no such thing as ‘not being Jewish enough.’ Just because you don’t go to Yom Kippur services or you don’t build a sukkah every year doesn’t mean that you aren’t as Jewish as the person sitting next to you who may be keeping Shabbat.”
That was something I wasn’t just saying to the people at the service; it was also something I was telling myself, because that’s one thing I’ve struggled with a lot. We have a really strong Chabad community here, and I don’t always feel as inclined to go, because I tend to get frustrated about the stricter rules.
Just because you don’t follow the rules of Orthodox Judaism doesn’t mean you’re not Jewish. It just means you have a different way that resonates with your identity. That was something that was really important to me.
Owning My Jewish Choices
I am becoming more of my own person. Overall, I’ve had a big growth experience being in college, because I’m actively making choices to be Jewish—and that’s what makes it so meaningful to me.